KiHack

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No is a very difficult word for me to say… and really mean. Maybe it is because I was not a very difficult two-year-old either … like my sister was.

Why don’t I say no more often? Well, I need something. Usually it’s the money - the work hours. This puts me into all sorts of undesirable situations … needing the money. I then have to spend money fixing the medical problems I get from being in high stress situations continuously.

While I don’t have 40 permanent hours yet with my new agency (about 30 are permanent), and I have to substitute for the other hours, I am finding that not saying no is detrimental to my work-life balance, my ability to enjoy my life and have time to eat and exercise,  to my energy levels, etc. I had to say no more after putting my primary hours with a second agency and still being registered with the first one, because work is available with them any time of day or night, and because my first agency would call me for a substitute shift when I would least expect it.

Out of fear that I would not get 40 hours and be able to meet my obligations I had been accepting the first things handed to me. When only working for the first agency, you took what you could get and could not be too selective if you wanted work. With the second agency, and with working with both agencies, if I don’t say no, I will LITERALLY lose my mind! There was one week where if I had said yes to everything I was asked to do - it would have been 70 hours. I cut it off at 50.25 hours, and that too was above my limits.

Today, I stood up for myself. I said NO. This is even though my schedule isn’t completely filled out for the week yet. Someone called off on a 3-9 shift for today. I quickly said “No. I need my time off.” I have found that making exceptions to my boundaries just doesn’t work well, because exceptions keep coming up, and my life is completely controlled by what comes up. I also am getting prepared to decline the 2-4 pm shift for tomorrow if the scheduler cannot build in an adequate break. By pushing myself too far above my limits, I am the one who loses … with low adrenal function, with loss of work-life balance, with insane levels of stress.

There are 168 hours in a week. I should be able to enjoy some of those hours. I am a caregiver and people need me. But this cannot preclude my need to be my own caregiver - to have time to eat well, rest, brush my teeth, rest, relax, meditate, write, read, walk, spend time with friends, and clean my house.

On the three days that I am not filled out yet, something always comes up. I can relax a bit and know that the “Can you help us out?” last minute calls on those days were meant for me, so that I can fill out my hours.  I relinquish the need to please the office. This is my committment to stick to my guns and stop jumping at every sub shift available in fear. In the worst case scenario, I would have to work 50 hours next week to make up for 30 this week. But it can be done with sleepover shifts, and going over 40 means overtime.

The key words: RELAX, PUT MYSELF FIRST, SAY NO AND MEAN IT!!!

Here’s a great article on 20 Ways to Say No.

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