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http://blogs.psychologytoday.com/blog/life-art/200807/how-thin-are-your-boundaries
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by Summer Rose
I ran across a question on Yahoo answers that I would like to answer on my blog because I have some opinions about it and insight into it:
“How does one create healthy boundaries with a really whiny and difficult person who wont shut up?”
Effective Strategies:Acknowledge the person’s presence and worth as a person but redirect the conversation off of their problems, which can be done a number of ways.Remind the person that everyone has problems, including yourself, and that they are not unique in being the only one with problems, self-doubts, etc.Express faith in their ability to figure things out.
Ask yourself what they are getting out of the behavior. (Attention, for example)
Acknowledge what the person said but redirect it and say that you are not the best at solving these types of things but that counsellors have training in these areas.
Encourage the person to pursue their own goals and interests and development of identity, realizing that if they knew themselves better they might be more self-contained.
Acknowledge appropriate behaviors and ignore inappropriate ones.
What has a tendency to backfire:
Put up with poor behavior not saying anything for a long time and then suddenly hightail it to the other end of the earth, with or without comment, or ignore them once and for all - which drives the other person crazy.
The most important thing is to realize that the whiny and difficult person is still a person and has intrinsic worth. You may or may not be able to alert them to how they look like to others and in self-care may have to withdraw at times. If you are able to communicate verbally or nonverbally that it’s their behavior that you’re rejecting and not rejecting them, you may have more luck. What any human being wants is to be acknowledged, loved, and paid attention to. What you pay attention to - grows - so focus on something positive about the person and maybe you can make that grow.
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Just say No
Be honest with yourself
Do not feel like you owe people your time and energy
Limit time to serve others
Be selfish
Self-preservation is a key to your balance
Take time to enjoy those things which are meaningful to you
Avoid negative people
Exercise open, assertive communication
Create space
Distance yourself a little when feeling overwhelmed
Be kind to yourself
Do not expect to be there for everybody
Don’t feel guilty
Be the person you want to be
10 Tips for Creating Boundaries, from YouTube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZvzh7uxt_c&feature=related
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Financial abundance is correlated to living within your boundaries, of knowing what you can afford and what you cannot. Of not just buying whatever you want, but wanting what you buy. It’s correlated to taking care of what you have. I have worked for very neat and clean people, and I have worked for very messy and dysfunctional people. The theme underlying frustration, sadness, financial distress, and crime - is a lack of boundaries. Boundaries are the limits in life.
Adultery is lack of sexual boundaries.
Bankruptcy is a result of lack of financial boundaries.
Stalking is a result of lack of emotional boundaries.
War is a result of lack of respect for physical boundaries.
Rape is a result of lack of respect for physical boundaries.
Incest is a result of lack of physical and sexual boundaries.
Possession by a strange spirit is a result of lack of spiritual boundaries.
Burnout is a result of lack of respect for physical boundaries.
Hoarding is a result of lack of property boundaries.
Emotional abuse is a lack of respect for emotional boundaries.
Murder is a lack of respect for physical boundaries.
Disrespect for parents is a lack of familial boundaries.
Giving too much is a lack of one’s own boundaries.
Telling too much is a lack of one’s own boundaries.
A flood is water overflowing its usual bounds.
Eating junk food is violating one’s physical boundaries.
Sexual harassment is violating someone’s sexual boundaries.
A dictator violates people’s freedom of choice and often people’s physical boundaries in terms of their lives.
The elite and corporations violate people’s financial boundaries.
Child abuse is violating a child’s emotional, physical, spiritual, or sexual boundaries.
A messy house is a lack of spacial boundaries.
The Ten Commandments in the Bible are a set of boundaries.
The dietary laws in the Bible are a set of boundaries.
Spam and viruses are the permeation of cyberboundaries.
Theft is a lack of respect for property boundaries.
Cancer is cells growing that lost their boundaries and either morphed into another kind of cell or are growing in the wrong place.
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